How Do Our Kids Stay Christian?

Recently, I came across an article by Cameron Shaffer entitled "How Do Our Kids Stay Christian?" It was a lengthy article, but my interest was piqued because I have seven children, three of which have professed Christ in baptism and four who have not. I want ALL of my children to be born-again and know the Lord and be forgiven of their sins and have the hope of eternal life. And I realize that not every child raised by Christian, church-going parents will become a Christian. Neither will every child who makes a profession of faith in Christ stay the course and finish the race. They may never murder anyone or rob a bank, but some of them are false professors who will never truly follow Christ and bear the fruit of a disciple while others will turn away from the faith completely. So this is a weighty matter, well deserving of the attention of godly parents.

Having said that, I’d recommend the article to you, but if you’re pressed for time and not able to read the whole things, here are some parts that I found particularly helpful and encouraging.

Adamczyk and Smith looked at the religious landscape of North America over the last few decades and came to a simple conclusion: the communities that were most effective at handing down their religion were those that prioritized faith in the family home.

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If kids born to Christian parents are to grow up Christian, they need to be raised as Christians by their parents.

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It’s critical that parents teach the Bible and catechize their children in the articles of the faith, of course, but alone this is insufficient. Christianity is taught, not caught, but how it is taught affects whether kids hold onto it. Parents who successfully inculcate steadfast faith and love of God joyfully demonstrate the importance of their own faith on a daily basis.

Is the faith of parents sincere? Do they value and talk about their faith? Does it visibly inform their decisions? Does faith characterize their regular, daily behavior and conversations, or is it compartmentalized to worship services and being around church people? Do they acknowledge their shortcomings without hypocrisy? Do parents clearly love God? Do they delight in Jesus?

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The danger for children is parents who believe and either don’t expect anything of their kids on the one hand, or are tyrannical and overbearing about it on the other. Adamczyk and Smith discovered that an authoritative parenting style is most effective at raising children to faithful maturity. This approach maintains high expectations for kids, but in a home and parental relationship that can be honestly described as “warm” rather than rule or discipline-oriented. Being loosie-goosey (they’ll figure out and make faith their own) or overbearing are equally damaging to a child’s faith. As Anthony Bradley is fond of pointing out, kids don’t rebel against joy.

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If parents take their own discipleship seriously, their kids will as well.

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Parents prioritizing corporate worship with and in front of their kids communicates the value of faith to their children. A common example that makes this point: Parents have no problem passing down their sport loyalty. Their kids become fans of teams or schools long before they ever have a chance to reason through which team they should support. The love of the team is taught by their parent’s enthusiasm and caught by the children. And when parents watch games they don’t send the kids out of the room or to a different, segregated section of the stadium: they watch together. And just because the kids don’t understand all the rules doesn’t mean they’re not really rooting for their team.

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This is the third meaningful characteristic of children who hold onto faith: participating in a community of faith that interacts with and supports one another throughout the week.

The people of the church spending time together is essential for forming a community of faith that has lasting effects.

...what this means is that having kids present at a vibrant fellowship hour is more effective in passing down the faith than either Sunday School or youth group programs. Being together, and enjoying being together, in worship and throughout the week forms kids into this community of faith.

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For the church there are several principles that should be followed: First, fight to keep the cart and horse properly arranged. Parental guidance at home, kids present in worship, and the greater church as God’s surrogate family, not programs, are indispensable tools for passing along the faith. Programs are easy and expected in American evangelicalism, life and fussy kids are hard, and congregants and parents default to taking the easy and known way. Programs can become political and sacred cows, yet are unnecessary, ineffective on their own terms, and potentially counterproductive. If your church wants them to be helpful at all, it needs to prioritize these other areas. The church needs to keep its messaging about faith transmission on point and hold the programs as dispensable.