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When you think about books by R.C. Sproul, you probably think of works that are more doctinal or theological in nature. But Sproul's immensely practical, down-to-earth book on marriage is full of helpful counsel and questions to use for discussion or personal reflection. Here are 20 quotes that I found beneficial:

1

To be known and still be loved is one of the supreme goals of marriage.

2

One sage maintained that a woman needs to be told she is loved in 365 different ways every year. The truth of this hyper-bole, however, is that women usually notice seemingly small expressions of affection. (And so do men.) Husbands must discover what makes their wives feel loved, and vice versa.

3

For a man to understand more about the law of thermodynamics [or anything] than he understands about his wife is gross neglect of duty.

4

To make a conscious effort to gain insight into a human being is not simply a sober responsibility in marriage but a very special privilege. Few areas of study can be so exciting and fruitful. If it is a labor of love, that love will only be intensified.

5

Not only can ill-fitting clothes or uniforms make us feel and act miserable, but also good clothes can make us feel good. If your wife doesn't "feel like a woman," maybe a check of the wardrobe is in order. Clothes alone will not save a marriage or cause one to disintegrate. But it is a very serious matter when a wife does not feel like a woman, and clothes can contribute to that feeling.

6

When a husband takes no interest in his wife's clothes, the wife inevitably feels less than a woman. Shopping together can be an exciting enterprise as new vistas of beauty are explored. Take care not to talk your wife into wearing what might violate her canons of modesty and taste. But the point is this-clothing can be a vital point of marital communication. An aside to Christians: God calls us to modesty of dress. But there is a difference between being modest and being drab. The light of the world should be attractive and the salt of the world tasty.

7

In creation, woman is not called to the subordination of a slave to a tyrant. It is the subordination of a queen to a king. In creation Adam and Eve are given dominion over the earth. Together as God's deputy monarchs, they rule over the earth.

8

Eve was created to be a queen, not a slave. Her role was that of helpmate to her husband.

9

The church does not share authority 50-50 with Christ. Christ does not rule by referendum. The church has no veto power or power of impeachment. The church is not a democracy; it is a kingdom. And so is the home. Just as Christ reigns in sovereign authority over the church, so the husband has sovereign authority over the wife. This does not mean, however, that the husband never listens to the wife's requests or petitions. Again the analogy with Christ is important. Christ hears the groans of his people. He is pleased when they bring their requests to him and tell him their desires. The church is not required to walk five paces behind her groom and exist as a nonentity. Neither is the wife.

10

In the New Testament, love is more of a verb than a noun. It has more to do with acting than with feeling. The call to love is not so much a call to a certain state of feeling as it is to a quality of action. When Paul says,

"Love your wives," he is saying, "Be loving toward your wife—treat her as lovely." Do the things that are truly loving things. If the husband doesn't feel romantic toward his wife, that does not mean he can't be loving. To be sure, romance makes it a lot easier to be loving, but it is not a necessary prerequisite for fulfilling the biblical mandate.

11

Though it can never be a substitute for daily concern and attention for the wife, the annual honeymoon can be a great boon to a growing marriage. After ten years without one and then finally experiencing the opportunity of being away together for a week, Vesta and I resolved never to go through another year without a honeymoon. We always went away without children in order to give undivided attention to each other. I've asked many couples if they ever go away like this, and they often say no. "We can't afford it," they usually say. Yet these people have two cars, a color television, and other gadgets or equipment. I would have loved having two cars after ten years of marriage but I couldn't afford that and a honeymoon too. Vesta and I found these honeymoon trips so meaningful that they were a necessity, not a luxury in our budget. Even after more than forty years of marriage, we find time to go away alone together for another honeymoon.

12

After marriage the biggest single influence on the development of the wife's personality and character is the husband. When a man comes to me and complains that his wife has changed since they got married, I immediately respond, "Who do you suppose changed her?" In a sense, the wife a man has is the wife he has produced. If he has a monster, maybe he ought to examine his nature.

13

A man should know more about the things of God than his wife and certainly more than his children. He should be the primary teacher and prime example for his wife. This is an awesome responsibility—a responsibility for which every husband will be held ac-countable. The priestly role of the husband is not optional but mandatory.

14

Husbands are called to love their wives as their own bodies. Does that not imply that the husband will do everything in his power to protect and defend his wife from any possible harm? He is to be her knight in shining armor, guarding her in body, mind, and soul.

15

Marriages can't be healed or redeemed overnight.

16

The pattern of destruction can change into a pattern of construction in a short time. For this pattern to change, a new commitment must be made.

17

As long as divorce remains a serious consideration, even if a person has not yet chosen it, he or she is usually paralyzed and cannot make the kind of commitment necessary to change the direction of the marriage.

18

A married person does not live in isolation. He or she has made a promise, a pledge, a vow, to another person. Until that vow is fulfilled and the promise is kept, the individual is in debt to his marriage partner. That is what he owes. "You owe it to yourself" is not a valid excuse for breaking a marriage vow but a creed of selfishness.

19

In every marriage that ends in disaster, some stupid decisions were made with respect to God's regulations. If God's regulations were followed scrupu-lously, not only would there be no divorces; there would be no unhappy marriages. To violate the regulations of God is not only an exercise in disobedience but also an exercise in foolishness. If you want a happy marriage, the most intelligent thing you can do is to submit to God's regulations.

20

The goal of communication is knowledge-not abstract, theoretical, impersonal knowledge but personal knowledge, the knowledge of intimacy.

 

Purchase your copy on Amazon or through Westminster Bookstore.